My spirit has been downcast for a while. I have really be struggling with my desire to be close to the Lord. Some sad & unfortunate things happened recently in my family and the devil has seized the opportunity to invade & cause chaos. The details are numerous, but in the briefest telling, my oldest sister, Mandy (director of a church preschool) has been betrayed by her church "family" who accused her of disciplining children too harshly and terminated her employment. Some, who know her true character, have chosen to stand beside her. But all in all, her good name has been slandered and she has been wounded by those she trusted.
She & I are very close and I became so incredibly angry at the whole ordeal!!! I did not talk to the Lord for days. I guess I figured that since it was His church, it was ultimately His fault. I just couldn't understand why He would allow one of His beloved to go through such heartache and allow little children to suffer for it by loosing their much-loved "Miss Mandy". I know in my head that God is God, and He works all things together for good. I know He can do whatever he wants without running His plan by me first. I also know that He is big enough to handle my moods & tantrums. And He knows that I LOVE and NEED Him.
This all came about during the same time that I signed up for a bible study but was unable to attend due to childcare complications and my husband's shift changed to him working on Sundays. Really?! Arg! All of my attempts to be involved & get spiritually fed were thwarted and I could not understand why all this was happening. I got SO mad!! So FINE...I have done my best to get by without giving the Lord any notice...
...not the brightest idea. He is everywhere and in everything and I CANNOT escape Him! This is a fact I am very grateful for!! Quietly, gently, lovingly He has been interrupting my day. I am working on drawing nearer & nearer to Him. I am sad to say it has been a slow process. But one thing is sure, "I am His" and "He is mine". Two weeks ago I was reminded by dear pastor Buck, when speaking on Isaiah 54, that "The Lord is in the business of healing the brokenhearted." "Your husband is your Maker"(v.5) "God makes covenants with people and the 2 essential ingredients for doing so are compassion and lovingkindness." I love the Hebrew word used for lovingkindness; "hessed", which is a relational term (David & Jonathan - 1 Sam.20:12-17). It speaks of loyalty; "The glue of God".
The notes that I have been clinging to, reveal these truths:
Our God will never leave you brokenhearted. He will restore you. He is loyal. He is an excellent covenant partner. He is true to His word.
Is.54:17
It was just what I needed to hear!!! That is why He allows us to hurt; so that He can be the Savior. So many lives have been touched because of Mandy's strength in her Lord and God is being glorified amidst the trial. He is proving Himself, not only to Mandy, but to people around the world that know & love her. She and her husband are also hoping to move to Dallas this year!!!! So excited about that possibility!!
In conclusion, please know...I Love My Lord! I may not understand His ways, but I trust His heart! And He is Good!
